Carrie Mae, stared at herself in the mirror, trying to figure out why her life was so bad. Maybe if she was beautiful her life would be better. The most popular girls in school were beautiful and lived in beautiful houses. Beautiful people were in magazines and on television. Beautiful people had money and were always happy. Yup, beauty was the key to a good life.
Carrie Mae, knew she was cute but she couldn't ever recalled anyone calling her beautiful. As she looked at her face, she wondered what kept people from calling her beautiful. Her skin was light enough. Her grandmother Ruby told her that only light skin was the right skin. Her eyes were small but they gave her an exotic look. She had inherited the family nose but everyday she would pull on it to re-shape it. If she kept doing this, when she got older, her nose be smaller. She knew what it was, it was her full lips. She envied the girls in school with the thin lips. She practiced sucking her lips in and holding them in so they didn't look as big. At school, when she walked by a large group of kids, she would always suck her lips in. This probably made her look strange, but she was tired of the names the children called her and seeing them poke out their lips as she walked by. Children can be so cruel.
With a big sigh, Carrie Mae went and sat on the swing on the front porch. How she wished her life was different. Looking up to a cloudless sky she asked,"God why didn't I die instead of my mom?" As usual, the only answer she got was the wind blowing in her face. She held her head down and listened to the squeaking of the swing. Tears slid down her face and hit her dusty feet. Waves of grief hit her and she felt every bit of rejection she had been through. Her own dad didn't want her. He gave her to her grandmother to raise. Every time her dad brought her siblings to visit with her, she would cry and beg him to take her with him. He always told her no. Her grandmother would hold her crying and screaming body until the car was far enough up the gravel road for her to let Carrie Mae go. Carrie Mae would run as fast as she could hoping to catch the car but she never could. She was always left with the image of her siblings looking out the back window of the car, crying because they wanted her to come with them. Life is so unfair when you are ugly.
So my dear readers, this is what happened to the baby, my mother. She was never raised with her siblings. My grandfather never came and got her. I am sure my mother felt that this was a way of punishing her for her mother's death. Can you imagine the feelings of guilt and rejection my mom dealt with? I can, I will tell her story as if her pain was my own. Stay tuned.