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The Conversation

Updated: Apr 26, 2020

Hello

I missed my February deadline to post two blogs a month. Give me grace, it was only 29 days in February. So how has the year been going for you? I have had to face some past struggles, but God has helped me be an overcomer. Don't you sense that your total freedom to become who you know you should be is coming? Imagine having no self-esteem issues and being able to be so steel-coated that you are unbothered by the opinions of others. I so long for this freedom from my cage of fear. How did I become so bound by fear? It started in my childhood when I was first molested. I won't share all the details because this is part of my Ruby Girl story. Through that act of violation, a portal was opened for the spirits of fear, low-self esteem, self hatred and unforgiveness to come in. These demons have been my companions since the age of three. So this leads up to the conversation I had with a friend of mine. She was telling me about how she doesn't leave her daughter with her boyfriend. She said when she was about 17 when her mother's boyfriend hit on her. This man had known her most of her life. He was a father figure and had helped raise her. I cannot explain to you the feeling of violation that comes from knowing that someone you thought was your protector is now a predator. You start to think, how many times have you looked at me in lust and I thought it was love. Was our whole relationship a lie? What is it about me that has stirred up a feeling of attraction instead of protection?


You start to internalize and blame yourself when it is not your fault. This is the violator's goal, to get inside your head. A predator will slowly prep his victim. He will watch, observe and plant seeds. When he makes his move, it brings such confusion that the victim is shocked and unable to respond in a proper way. This is what happened to my friend (We will call her Lisa), she was so shocked that it took her a while to tell her mother. It took every ounce of courage in Lisa's body to tell her mom that the man her mother loved for 14 years had hit on her. After she told her mom what happened, the silence that followed was deafening. Her mom looked at her and walked away. Lisa's heart dropped to the ground, there was no sorry, no hug, no nothing. Her mother never acknowledged that what her daughter said was true or not, she just continued in a relationship with the man for another seven years. As Lisa, told her story to me, I understood her pain and feelings of betrayal. How could a mother choose a man over her child? What mother wouldn't rip her heart out if it caused her child to keep living. My readers, don't judge her mother because we don't know what made her mom stay in that relationship. That man could have brainwashed her so that she believed he could do no wrong. I told Lisa, your mom is no longer that woman she was back then. Her mom lives with guilt about what happened and just doesn't know how to fix it. Lisa must forgive her mother or she will never get pass that hurt.


You see, I am friends with both women. I see both of their pain. The mother wants to help her daughter but she can't because she is the one that caused her to be wounded. So Lisa bandages her wound everyday which keeps it from healing. Some wounds need to be exposed to the healing balm of Jesus Christ. Psalm 147:3 (NIV) He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. I am praying for forgiveness and healing to come to my dear friends. I don't judge because I have made the choice to stay in toxic relationships, haven't you?


My dear readers, if you have children, always choose them over someone who hurt them. Believe your children, if you don't they will never trust you with their hurt again. I too shared that a man had hit on me when I was a child and was told that I was a liar. When that man passed in my adulthood, I was overwhelmed with guilt. I felt like I had lied on this man. Did what he do to me, was it enough to tell? I regretted telling anyone what happened. The kiss, the comments did they hurt me enough so much that I couldn't have kept it secret? Oh, the pain of not being believed can torment you.


After his death, I had to learn to process the pain all over again, because I loved this man. He was once my favorite relative. I followed him around as a child and adored him. He had a drinking problem and was drunk the day he did what he did to me. Being drunk was no excuse and maybe he wouldn't have did what he did if he had been sober. I don't know, but I as a child I did the right thing in telling what happened, the adults did the wrong thing by not believing me.


Until next time-Your favorite Ruby Girl

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