So I lied
What a joy it is to connect with you once again. 2020 has been a year of trials and tribulations beyond what we could ever imagine. Anyone who is a writer has plenty to write about. Pandemics, riots and division has invaded our land. I am sure I speak for every reader when I say, "I never would have thought the whole world would be shut down because of a virus." In February, I was at work listening to my colleagues talk about this new virus. Everyday they were talking about how many people had been infected and which country it had been spread to. I would put on my head phones and drown their conversations with music. What did I care about a virus? I don't even take flu shots because I rarely get the flu. I have had the flu twice in my life. Then the United States had their first case of COVID-19. I was still not impressed by this Corona virus. Then schools started shutting down and then libraries. Okay, you people are really overreacting! Rumors started spreading saying my corporation was going to prepare for us to work from home. I liked that idea but figured we probably would be working from home about a month.
Then one of my colleagues got sick. He stayed at home for four days. I appreciated the thoughtfulness but once again...that was doing to much! That Monday, I am driving to work and feel light-headed. What is going on with me? I parked my car and as I get ready to get out, I am too weak to move. I sit there and pray for strength. Finally, I feel strength returning to my body. At work, I seemed normal except for the light-headiness. I ask to leave early because I am not feeling well. By Wednesday, I am better. My colleague is still sick but at the office. He has a cough that won't go away. Friday at 1:00pm, I get light-headed again. I shake it off because I have an after work engagement. Later that night as I leave engagement, I start coughing. The coughs are painful and won't stop. I have caught what my colleague has.
That Saturday, I go to the Urgent Care and is told, that there is NO way I have Corona. My chest X-ray is clear, no temperature or shortness of breath. Just to be safe they tested me for every virus but COVID-19. Don't go back to work until we get your results. Yeah, no work for me. I can rest and beat this thing. Monday comes, I am feeling better and I get the call from my doctor. As I listen to the lady give me my test results, my stomach feels like I have been on a roller coaster. She says my results is negative for the flu and the other viruses. I asked can I come in and be tested. She starts to stutter and tells me that it would be best if I just quarantined. I get the feeling she does not want me to return to the office. I hang up the phone and I have a problem, do I try to get tested or do I go to work and don't worry about it. I am ashamed to say, I went to work. I was fine at work and seemed to be symptom free. I was fearful that I would be the employee to shut down our building. One morning, after I returned to work, my manager calls me and tells me there has been a confirmed case and the building has shut down. I was fearful because I could have been exposed to this person. There were no instructions for us to quarantine nor were we given possible points of contact.
The day we are told about the confirmed case, I am in bed all day. I am unable to get out of bed, so tired and weak. I decide to call the COVID-19 hotline and I am told again, you can't have it because it does not come and go. Okay, Lord this has to be in my head. Eventually this thing, that was in my head, seeped into my body. I never had a fever or shortness of breath, but I had plenty of COVID-19 symptoms. There was one night when I had been wracked with coughing and my chest felt like I had swallowed a lighted torch that a weakness took over me like I never felt before. It was almost demonic in nature because it took over my body and begin to relax everything in my body. It felt like my very organs, were going into shutdown mode. I waited for my soul to literally float out of body. I started thinking about my affairs, were they in order? My body was giving in to the weakness. I started praying and telling God that I wanted to do more work for him. I know what it feels like to be on your dying bed. Your body goes and your mind is left drifting and floating. I prepared myself to transition by asking for forgiveness and repenting for things I had done. Then the weakness lifted off of me. I was left weak but alive.
Eventually, I got better but I had another episode of weakness that I almost took me out, but I made it. As I battled with this sickness, I realized how alone I was in this world. I had friends and family but no one close enough to nurse me back to health. I had to do this alone. I did not tell my family and my friends that knew, called me daily. Did I have COVID-19? What do you think? I had every symptom but three of them. I share my story to let you know that this virus is real. It killed things in me that I had needed to die from. Procrastination and complacency to name just two. I have always wanted the abundant life spoken of in John 10:10, I just didn't want to do the works to obtain it. Now I am ready to do the works!
This pandemic has changed my whole life. I am not comfortable leaving my house. It is not fear of the virus but I have "prisoner's syndrome". I have been imprisoned (lockdown) for so long that I don't want to leave my cell (home). Being in the house for three months triggered my childhood trauma. For four years, I was locked in the house and could only go to school and home. I watched the world go by inside the house. It seems all the years of overcoming the fear of leaving the house, has been a waste. The devil is a liar. I will push through this fear because I have new life to live. I am coming out brand-new.
So what did I lie about... I promised you two blogs a month, I missed a blog last month. Sorry!
Be blessed and keep me in prayer as I write my
book. -Your favorite Ruby Girl