Updated: Jun 28, 2020
Inadequate: lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose.
"God, will you help me? I cannot do this without you!" I cried these words out to God as I tackled a hard task at work. This was not the first time I have had to cry out to God for wisdom and I know it will not be my last time. In the past, God has always given me wisdom when I could not understand how to do a task. This time, the wisdom did not come.
I remember when I went back to college in my thirties. I had been out of school for over twelve years. I was nearing the end of my degree and I finally had to take the dreaded, "Math Class!!"
I have had a fear of math all my life. Word related classes (English, Social Studies, etc) came easy to me but Math would always stop me from being an all "A" student. When I would take a math class, I was happy to get a "C" and that was with a lot of studying. I had just accepted that I was not a numbers person.
One day I was sitting at Cornerstone College trying to figure out what the teacher was doing with these numbers on the board? The "X" Equals "Y" minus this and in order to get the correct answer you must know if you subtract or add first. When I tell you that my level of anxiety went from a 10 to a double 10, that is minimizing the fear I felt. I am a saved intelligent woman but looking at what the teacher was putting on the board, I could make no sense of it. So I prayed my "God help me" prayer and overnight, God gave me the solution I needed. I came back to class the next week and went to the board and solved the problem! The teacher did not understand how I did it, but he said the answer was right. Thank you Jesus!! Won't he do it??
6/24/2020 to ,6/26/2020 at work, I prayed this prayer over and over with no solution. I looked over my spreadsheets that were in front of me and I could not make sense of them. I called my colleague and she helped me make some sense of it, but my mind would not click with understanding. For three days, I would sit in front of my computer and ask God to help me. Some days I cried tears because I felt so inadequate. I am the senior member of my team and I could not grasp this spreadsheet. I already felt challenged because my Excel skills were not up to par. I had been holding my own with the young bloods until this week. I had to admit defeat. This was a wall that I was facing. I could stand there and stare at it or I could develop the skills which will help me to overtake and conqueror my fear of numbers. Psalm 18:29-For by Thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall. The troop was numbers and at the age of fifty, I had to turn and fight what I feared the most, exposure of my inadequacy with numbers and Excel.
Fear will breed the root of pride in our hearts. I was operating in pride because I do not like asking my colleagues for help because I trained them. In my mind, the teacher does not ask the student to teach them anything. I was operating in PRIDE! This is what I found about pride at challies.com/articles/god-hates-pride
Pride is first an attitude of independence from God. It is synonymous in Scripture with scoffing, arrogance, foolishness, evil, and wickedness. It is directly opposed to the humble, God-fearing, meek, lowly, trusting, faith-filled disposition that is pleasing to God. “Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate,” he says (Proverbs 8:13).
The Lord has been showing me myself all year. I have been repelled at people's behavior and God would hold up the mirror and say, "That's you!' My heart would fail me because I was glimpsing the ugliness in my soul. You can't see the picture when you are in the frame. So God was taking me out the frame of my life and showing me the reflection of my myself. Let me tell you, it ain't pretty.
I am ready to change. I humbled myself this week and reached out to the colleague that I had the most strife with. I would have NEVER asked her for help. Yes, I pushed past the flesh and made the call. I swallowed pride. She helped me, the person I had judged because her work ethic was not like mine. We ended up having a conversation that we would have never been able to have in the office. I had to accept the fact that she was better than me when it came to Excel. The very thing my pride did not want to admit. Oh, Jesus is working on my heart. Do it Lord.
My first step away from pride is to reveal my job inadequacies to my manager. I plan on humbling myself and asking for help in this area. I am releasing some familiar demons this week, pride, shame, laziness and inadequacy. Will you join me and release your BFD-Best Friend Demons this week? God will only do so much but pride can block you from receiving his help.
Until the next blog, be safe and keep trusting God!