Have you ever heard a man say, " She isn't my type but because she treats me right, I am with her"? 9 times out of 10 you will hear a woman say this before you will hear a man confess this. Think about your dating history, how many men were you with that you didn't like? I can think about my last boyfriend. I was in my late twenties and I was a love them and leave them type of girl. I was enjoying the attention I garnered from the male species. I would have men in the club being counseled by my friends because I took their number and would not even give them a second glance afterwards. Yes, I was ruthless. When Tony* walked into my life, I was impressed with how he dressed and he was a cutie. My coworkers must have sensed my interest because they sent him to my office for me to personally sign him up for his new vehicle. The boy had a good job, credit was fair and he had a winning smile. I could even tell he had a little thug in him, just like I liked my guys. As we began to date, I noticed that those sharp outfits were worn 2 or 3 days in a row. That winning smile was to deflect from his slow understanding of many things. He even admitted to me he was slow but I thought he was talking about moving slow in a relationship. Now, I don't have patient with slow men, I just don't. What woman wants a man that is not smart? I made up my mind to have that "conversation" with him. It was time to move on but guess what? He ghosted me! When he ghosted me he triggered a demon I didn't know I had, rejection! From that moment on, I did everything I could to be with someone that I really didn't want. That story sounds crazy, but we as women do it all the time. Let a guy show a little interest in you and girl, you are ready to claim him as your husband. He can be NOTHING like you prayed for but he showed interest, and so you think, it must be GOD. We talk ourselves into a relationship with a man that we don't want. We see the signs and we overlook them. We think, he just needs a good woman like me, he will change, I can help him change. So we just think we are more powerful than God, huh?
I have a friend who ended up heartbroken and having to trust God to get her together after she pursued someone she didn't want. She encountered her next door neighbor one day in the hallway and he was friendly towards her. When she first told me about meeting him, she said he wasn't her type BUT they had a good conversation. He didn't ask her for her number but treated her kind. She asked me did I think he was interested. I was thinking..he is not your type, does it matter. I told her I didn't think so. A man that is interested in a woman will make it known. I thought this was the end of it, but nope it wasn't. She shared with me a few weeks later that she gave him her number. He never called. I told her that clearly he was not interested. A few weeks later, she visits him at his apartment. They have a good time and he confesses he has a girlfriend but she lives out of town. He hints that she can be the side chick! My dear friend was devastated and wondered why this man would think a god-fearing woman like her would even be interested in something like that. Girl, you chased him and he turned around and bit you!
I am not judging her in any way because I have made the same mistake. Early in my walk, I subtly chased a guy that I just knew was supposed to be my husband. I was devastated when he told me he only wanted to be friends. He had been calling me telling me how lonely he was in new house. He would call me late at night to say he was thinking of me. The man led me to believe he was looking for a wife, no he was looking for someone to sleep with. I thank God for my walk of abstinence, I might have fallen for his game. God protected me from an entanglement, ya'll.
Ladies enough of the stories, this is what I need my dear sisters to get:
1. Don't settle for a man that you don't want. If God can give men what they want in a woman, he can do the same for you. If the man you are dating is not who you desire as a husband, put him in the friend category and enjoy his company.
2. If God and circumstances has not motivated a man to do better in his life, there is a very slim chance that being with you will motivate him to do better. I know you heard the few stories of how a woman changed a man's income and life for the better, but honey did you ask her about the struggles they went through before he got to that level? Are you willing to go throw the labor pains to see this man become what God wants him to be?
3. Don't think a man wants a relationship with you because he shows interest in you. He could just be a friendly guy or a flirt! Don't fall in love over a few kind words.
4. When you are going through troubled times, you can end up in a troubled relationship. When your income level has dropped, a man can come in with even a few more pennies than you, and you are ready to be with him. Don't allow your desperation to get you in a relationship that you have to pray to get out of.
5. If he is not what want you want at the beginning of the relationship, you will end up wasting time and still not get what you desired in a relationship.
6. Stay Godly in a relationship. Godly women don't fall between the sheets and IF they do, they don't stay there. Fight to get loose and back into the arms of God. You want a man who will respect your walk with Christ and not help you fall!
7. Last but should have been first, allow God to lead you when it comes to the men you meet. The devil has a lot of counterfeits but God has one real one for you.
Ladies, I am interested in feedback. This is a judge free zone. As I shared with you, I have chased men I didn't want and suffered needless heartache because of it. I hope my blog can save you some heartache. Let's be wise when it comes to relationships. A little common sense and a lot of God will help you to walk this singleness out to the Glory of God.
