As I neared the sharp curve, I felt my stomach drop and my body started to tense up. I could hear fear speaking in my ear. "You are going to flip over. You will miss the curve and go over the edge." My hands tighten up on the steering wheel. Whew. I made it through the curve. Then the next sharp curve came up. I wanted to scream. Fear just took over my thoughts and my body. I slowed down from 70 to 50 miles per hour. I was hoping my passengers didn't notice that fear was creeping up on me. Fear won that day. I came up at the next stop and declared that I couldn't drive anymore. My fingers were cramping from holding the steering wheel so hard and I was literally shaking on the inside. The energy drink I had drank, amplified the effects of the fear. I was embarrassed as we traveled on and I would grip the side of the door every time we went through a sharp curve. I have had anxiety before while driving through curves on the highway but never like this! The first time I had reaction to curves, I remember fear caused me to jerk the car into the other lane. I was shaking from fear. Thank God no one was in the lane next to me. I was willing to risk an accident rather than to stay in the last lane. So I thought I only had to drive in the 2nd lane and I would be alright. It was just me driving in the last lane, near the edge of the road that caused the fear, so I told myself. Lies!
I have fought the spirit of fear all of my life. I remember how I loved watching scary movies because I loved to be afraid. I loved scary rides at the fair and I had no fear of feeling fear! I didn't know that I was feeding the spirit of fear in me by doing these things. Now, I am older and somehow I have opened the door to a fear of driving. When I tell you, I loved driving the highway. I loved leaning into the curves and seeing the car gobble up the highway like Pacman. I have traveled by myself to Milwaukee for years. Now, that must come to an end until I can overcome this fear.
Having anxiety about something that no one else is afraid of can make you feel weak. I didn't want anyone to know this dark secret. God exposed it on my trip to New York. It made me feel like people would now look at me differently. The Ruby Girl is afraid of curves? The one that inspires and encourages others? The one who has overcome sexual abuse but she is shaking and fearful of a little curve on the highway? Yes, me! I am the one that can admit my weakness. I have drove afraid to Milwaukee. I refused to allow fear to keep me from doing what I love to do. Once fear became a serious factor, I dreaded driving on the highway. I am fine with driving on the freeway or anywhere else, it is when I get on the highway that fear kicks in. I have tried prayer, scriptures, even speaking in tongues while driving. I have spoke scriptures while going into a curve, but nothing has worked! So as a believer in Christ what do you do?
God's is powerful and there is nothing that is stronger than our God! He can deliver me from fear when it comes to driving, he has done it before. Once I had a spin-out on black ice, my car spun around like a top. No one but God stopped me from hitting the wall or going over the embankment. The car stopped facing the right way. After that, I would have panic attacks and felt like the back end of my car was sliding when I drove on the freeway. My Pastor prayed for me and I didn't have that fear anymore. Prayer works.
So I have decided it is time for me to see a therapist. Prayer and a Therapist should get me back on track. I shared this fear because so many people suffer in silence with their phobias or fears. It is not something you share with others. It is hard to watch people joke about your fear or not take you serious. I refuse to keep allowing fear to steal my joy. So if you will just pray for your favorite Ruby Girl, I will appreciate at. I shared this because fear becomes weak when it is exposed. I will keep seeking God, fast and pray but certainly it is time to get professional help. So I encourage anyone that has a phobia or a fear of something, that you are not weak. God still loves you and you will defeat this foe. This spirit of fear did not come from God. So know that this is the enemy trying to hinder you. Fear starts in a small area and before you know it, it takes up more space than we want it to have in our lives. 2021 is going to be my year and your year of deliverance from fear!
Until next time,
Your favorite Ruby Girl