I wish I could put a pen to my pain. I could accurately write how it feels when death comes and steals what is dear to your heart. For a long time, death was gentle to me. It would occasionally strike close to me but not close enough to wrench my heart out of my chest. No matter how much we pray or fast, sometimes death's request overrides your prayer request. In the past year, I have had five major deaths to hit my heart. I am going to start with the most recent deaths.
March 2021, my beloved cousin Georgia passed away from Covid. Georgia's whole family contracted it. Her daughter even ended up in the same hospital as she was in. Her husband did not get as sick as his wife and daughter. James, her husband had to become the caregiver, bill payer and overseer of the family. A role that Georgia once held. I yearned during this time to hear my cousin's southern voice one more time. Covid had silenced her voice by damaging her lungs so bad that there was nothing the doctors could do. We knew she wouldn't be the same unless God decided to do a divine miracle but we thought she had crossed over to survival but death the destructor sneaked and placed his hand on her heart and stopped it. I should have been prepared because I heard God tell me that Georgia was next after my cousin Billy passed. I was coming out of the bathroom and I heard within my soul "Georgia is next." I just said a quick prayer that God would change his mind but he didn't.
My cousin Georgia was a beautiful soul. I never heard anyone in the family say anything bad about her. She was always smiling and joyful. After she gave her life to Christ, we connected even more. My cousin lived in Mississippi but I stayed connected to her. When I would visit Mississippi, I would spend the night at her home. Her home was a showplace. It was like something you see in a magazine. My cousin was a decorator and boy could she dress! She was the epitome of a classy woman. God must have offered her an awesome severance package because Georgia's heart was with her family. She loved her family to the core of her soul. Rest well cousin.
January 2021, my cousin Billy had a heart attack. None of his family had a chance to hold his hand as he crossed over. No last words from him, death snatched him like a thief and ran with his soul. The last time I seen my cousin was at our Aunt's funeral in April 2020. My Aunt passed of Covid. I remember wanting to skip the funeral because honestly I was not my Aunt's favorite person. It took me years to accept this. My Aunt picked and chose who she loved in life. It was like this with even her grand and great grandchildren. Let me get back to Billy.
Billy loved cars and he used to have an actual race car! He retired from Ford and lived a quiet life enjoying his family. Our family did not know how sick he was. Kidney failure, cancer and a host of other ailments. He chose only to share his health issues with his children. So our family was shocked to hear of his death. I got the call early in the morning from my Aunt in Milwaukee that there was something going on with him and to contact his daughters. I managed to get in touch with his youngest and relayed the news that her father had a medical emergency. About a hour later, my Aunt called to tell me that Billy had passed. My mind instantly rejected what I heard. My road buddy and funeral partner was gone. Death was winning, because a few days later, a day before my birthday I loss my cat of 20 years.
January 19, 2021, I called the vet and made an appointment to put my cat Ravenn down. My appointment was set for Saturday. I spoke to Ravenn asked her could we get along until Saturday because she only had 5 days before I put her down. Now Ravenn, I had discovered a few weeks prior, was deaf. She meowed and it sounded like she said, "Nope'. I was shocked and asked her the question again and she meowed the same thing, "Nope". Now this is not surprising because Ravenn and I had been at war since I owned her. We only had a small window of peace when she was the only cat in the household. After I acquired three kittens, we went to battle. With Ravenn and me it was a battle of wills. Isn't a cat supposed to make your life better and listen to their owner? Raven's mission was to make my life miserable. Litter box accidents (I think they were on purpose), always doing the wrong thing at the wrong time! I remember one day I brought a folding chair home and I proclaimed to my cat household that I got a great deal on it. I went in the kitchen and came back out to Ravenn ripping it into pieces!! I was livid! The chair had not been in the house 2 minutes. She literally ripped it up. This is the stuff she did to me.
She would destroy my business merchandise. She almost destroyed a whole shipment of my jewelry one time! Our relationship was toxic. I would yell and scream at her like I was a wife with a bad husband. There was times I knew she had to be demonically influenced. She despised praise and worship. When I started praising God, she was up and out. I have never had a cat like her and hope to NEVER have one like her again. Oh, did I tell you that after I told her that she was going to die on Saturday that she decided she was going die within 24 hours. I am going to do it my way until her end! After my call with the vet, she started dying! By the next morning she was gone. When I tell you a peace settled on me. I was free from her. There has been a peace in my house since she died that I can't explain. I didn't realize how much this one cat had controlled my household. No more screaming at her or watching her do dumb things to aggravate me. That cat harassed me the last few months of her life so bad that I would have to put her in time out for her life sake!! I haven't missed her since she died but I felt sorry for how she suffered at the end. She weighed about 2 pounds, was deaf but was still mean and feisty until the end. I know I should feel sad, we had 20 years together,. Shouldn't there have been a bond between us? That's a whole other blog.
My last two deaths, I already blogged about. The loss of my Mr Babes in July and the loss of my Aunt in April, all in 2020. The death of Mr. Babes, my cat, was the hardest death because that was my best friend and furry son. Do you know that I found out that because of his death, I was angry with God?! I felt forsaken on the day Mr. Babes died. I listened for God's still voice and heard nothing. I became depressed, lonely and didn't see happiness or joy ever being the same for me without my Mr. Babes. Have you ever felt that way after praying, fasting and believing healing for a loved one, but yet deaths laughs victoriously in your face? I wonder if Job in the Bible felt the same way after losing everything? His wife surely felt some kind of way about what they were going through. Why else would she encourage him to curse God and die? Death sometimes can put barriers in our heart. Those barriers can block our happiness and even our relationship with Jesus. Our hope is that one day, we will see our loved ones again if they died in Christ. Those that never gave their hearts to Jesus should be the ones we grieve the most for. Souls that are truly lost.
Please keep me, your favorite Ruby Girl in prayer.
Until next time, be blessed!