A Transparent Moment
Hey Dear Readers,
Thank you for taking the time to read my monthly blog posting. There is so much going on in the world today. Deaths, riots and injustices abound left and right. All of this is related to the fallen nature of man. We see the results of man trying to live his own way and thinking he knows best. It ain't working ya'll. Even the Body of Christ has gotten to be milky. 1 Corinthians 3:22 I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. I always desired the meat of God's Word, even when I was a babe in Christ. I devoured the Word like it was a buffet of my favorite foods. I couldn't get enough of it. I remember reading a book that said sometimes in your walk, you will not be drawn to the Word of God and you will feel distance from God. I would immediately pray and ask God to not allow this to happen to me. I couldn't fathom what it would be like to, once again, not desire to read the Bible or spend time with God.
Then my walk shifted with God. It didn't shift when it was prophesied that I was about to go through the worst time of my life ever. I lost my job and my car. It was by the Grace of God, I had a place to stay. I remember being late on my rent because I got paid after the 1st of the month. I had never been late on my rent. Ya'll I was barely able to afford food. Some days I was eating noodles and rice. Yet, I was faithfully tithing. I asked God could I get a 2nd job and he told me "No". I trusted him and was obedient. Thank God, I had a way to and from work. My good friend, Ron would pick me up for work in the mornings and drop me off at home in the evenings. I couldn't afford to buy a car because when I left my old job my income dropped drastically. I was bringing home $500 a week, which was a lot in the 90's. The job I was working at the time was paying me $11.00 an hour. Do you know it took me over 10 years before I took $500 home a week again?! Anyway, God touched my Pastor's heart and he brought me a car. We agreed on $100 a month car note. When I made the agreement, I didn't know how I was going to be able to afford it. Well, Well, I got a promotion at work. See I had been allowing one of my colleagues to put all his work on my desk. I knew he was using me to do his work and my other colleagues made fun of me. "You are Scott's servant, you are a sucker" were just some of the things they said. So one day, Scot quit and the manager said because I knew his desk, I got his job. Look at God. The additional money was exactly $100 a month. During the worst days of my life, God showed up supernaturally and built my faith up.
Oh, did I tell you that God gave me back the late fees I paid for rent, when I was late? I went to pay my rent one month and the new lady in the office told me I had a credit of $150 on my account. We couldn't figure out where it came from. So she took that amount off my rent. It was only months later did it come to me where that $150 came from. It was the exact amount of my late fees. God takes care of his daughters.
Those were the best and worst of times. Through it all, I seen the hand of God. It was when I stopped seeing the work of God in my life that things shifted for me. The shift was so subtle. I started only reading Bible every other day, then once a week. Eventually, I just enjoyed my daily hour long praise and worship with God. Then that stopped. It was like I backslid. I was still doing ministry but it was only when I had to preach or teach did I read my Bible. During this time, I started to experience a lot of disappointments. You know when you believe God for something and do everything you should do and yet God doesn't answer your prayer? I had a series of those instances to happen, back to back of unanswered prayer. With each one, my faith took a hit. It made me think, that God wasn't hearing my prayers. Maybe I started focusing on what he wasn't doing instead of what he could do. Just being real ya'll.
Now today, I am still struggling to get that closeness I had with God again. He still uses me and I am still being faithful to him but there is something between us and I know it is what has built up in my heart. There is anger and disappointments but I am asking God to help me. No one wants to be beefing with Jesus. I love the Lord and I know this too shall pass. So as this is passing by, please keep your favorite Ruby Girl in prayer. I will fight until the end to get my closeness back.
Don't judge me because we all have been here or will get here. My advice is to keep trusting God and keep the good fight of faith.
Until next time,
Your Favorite Ruby Girl