I have so many things going through my mind that I decided to blog about them all! So get ready for my ramble:
I decided to sign up for a speakers leadership tour. It is a professional speaking platform, where you learn how to become a professional speaker. I have been public speaking almost 19 years and I thought I was pretty good until I connected with professional speakers! My audition was horrible and my first speech practice did not go well. The feedback I received was that my speech was not organized, they couldn't understand the point I was trying to make, and they didn't see my stage presence! Some of it is my fault, I just revised my speech that day and decided to tweak it after listening to one of the other ladies speak. As I listened to the other speakers, the ones I thought were great, were picked apart the most. Was I discouraged, no, did I learn from my mistakes, yes. If I want to go to the next level, I have to learn professional tricks and techniques. I know I am a speaker but I just need to LEARN how to become a professional speaker. Their critique was not stating that I was not a speaker, it was letting me know I am not a professional speaker. Big difference. I am so excited to connect with such talent. Only God opened this door for me.
In my speech, I mentioned the trauma I experienced as a child. One of the speakers asked me a question that brought tears to my eyes. She said, do you think you were bullied and overlooked most of your life because of the trauma you suffered as a child OR did people treat you the way that you saw yourself from the trauma you suffered? That was a life changing question. The people I met didn't know the things I had been through. They only saw who I had became from the trauma I went through. I have struggled with low self-esteem all my life. It is the result of what I have been through. Most people see that weakness in me and they capitalize off of it. If I had stood up for myself more, as a child, my bullies would have left me alone, but instead I sat there and took it.
Even as an adult, I have been bullied. I always thought people would self-correct themselves and treat me right. What world have I been living in? You have to correct people because they think what they are doing is right. So I am going to get what I need from this training. Truly my eyes were opened to the truth of my life already from one session.
Next ramble: What happens to a woman's mind when she falls in love? I know I was dumb bunny in my last relationship with a man. He conned me by sending me $300 just because. I thought this meant this man was a provider. Snort! This man had no job, was living with his Uncle and wearing his dead grandmother's long johns! His wardrobe was so bad, the Salvation Army would have rejected his clothes. There were all types of flags but like most women I ignored them.
In the beginning we only communicated over the phone. Bad idea! I wasn't able to see his body language to know if he was being truthful and it caused me to have "false" feelings of love. I fell in love with his conversation, not him! A man is gifted at saying what a women wants to hear. This guy said all the right things and was the "perfect" guy. My left (Left represents lack of good sense) side of my brain was like, he is just down on his luck, give him a chance. So I listened to the "left" side of my brain instead of the right (Right represents the Intelligent, common sense, an avoider of red flags) side of my brain. By the time we decided to meet, this man had proposed to me and I was planning a wedding.
Finally, we meet face to face again and instantly, my right side of my brain sees him for who he truly is. This man was not my husband. The left side of my brain said, "Girl, you just got to work with him." Longggg story short, he had a drug problem, extreme jealous issues, proposed to me with a ring that came from Avon and he was too stubborn to listen to even himself! Thank God, I was not intimate with him. If I had connected physically with him, I would have silenced that right side of my brain.
I have made and I have seen other women make major mistakes when it comes to relationships. I don't care how many degrees you have, you go left when you fall in love! We stop heeding red flags, we believe that God is wrong about the person and blindly follow our heart. The Bible says in Jeremiah 17:99 The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? We have to stop following our heart and think! If a man really knows you are the one for him, he will want to seal it forever. He can't wait to make you Mrs. We play ourselves like cars and allow the man to "test drive" before he signs the contract. By the time he finally marries us, he has put so many miles (children, stress, drama) on us that we think we have to settle for him. It is human nature that if you give a person everything they want or need, that person has no need to change. He thinks he got all this from being the person he is, what does he need to change for? If you see something in a man that needs to be changed, you wait for it to be changed BEFORE getting into a relationship with him. Being with you gives him NO reason to change. Also know the difference between him being changed or him just acting different. There is fruit with change.
A man sees a woman's flags and understands those flags means she is not the one for him. He heads on out the door. He will rather ghost a woman than talk to her about how she can change to be with him. Why? He knows a woman will change to be with a man but eventually those flags will be raised again.
A flag to a man means keep it moving, a flag to a woman means, he just need to be with me to change. How has that worked for us? It ain't worked for me. I am praying right now that the next man I meet, that I listen to my right side of my brain and use the good sense God gave me to make the right decisions.
I feel better ya'll. I got some things off my chest. Until next time..
-Your favorite Ruby Girl