Finding the Fabulous in Fifty
This year I turned 50. I am not happy about being the Five-Zero. Yes, it is only 12 plus months from 49 but those 12 plus months has not been fabulous for me! I am still trying to find the fabulous in fifty. Even the world is trying to find the fabulous in my 50th year of my life, thanks to Covid.
I hear people say that fifty is the new forty, in what dog years? My body certainly feels like it is fifty. It seems like, I invited new aches and pains to my fiftieth birthday party. I must have unaware sent them an invite! When I tell you that I celebrate every one of my birthday like a milestone is an understatement. I have two birthday parties for my birthday and then dinner celebrations until almost June! I start planning for my birthday four months before it gets here. I knew something was wrong when I didn't even want to talk about my upcoming birthday. One of my DEAR friends loved to torment me by mentioning that not only was my birthday coming, but I was turning fifty. The devil always sends that one...just kidding.
So now I am fifty and I have shredded my AARP invitation. I pass on them discounts. I have been offered a senior discount from a company that lists fifty and up as seniors. I chose to not to use their services. Can you see that fifty and me are at war? Yes, it is a blessing to be alive, I get it, but let me and fifty fight it out. I know fifty has already won this fight but I am not going down like a punk. Gray hair, me and Miss Clairol will defeat you. Aches and pains, you will be knocked out by Motrin. Extra weight gain in the middle will be hidden with waist trainers. I got a plan to win a few battles, ya'll.
The most frightening experience of fifty has been...drum roll.....the colonoscopy. Lord, Jesus in heaven the prep is from the devil! I heard people say the prep was the worst part of the procedure, can I say, "Aint that the truth!" I was all prepared with my 64 ounces of liquid laxative, bathroom books and a closet full of toilet tissue. What I didn't prepare for was the emergency race to the bathroom. I didn't know I could move that fast at fifty. I leaped over cats, jumped out of shoes and broke the world's speed record all in a matter of minutes. Fifty, you don't fight fair. One point for you fifty.
Fifty, makes me look longer in the mirror and realize that youthful beauty has long escaped me. You notice the changes in your features. The widening of your forehead, the thinning of your hair and for some of us, the loss of our teeth! Being fine and fabulous at fifty is a fight. Hot flashes ruin your hair style in minutes. Protective hairstyles means something entirely different at fifty. You protect your hairstyle from being ruin by the hot flashes in your head! So no more wearing my hair down, it must be up or braided. One hot flash with my hair down and PUFF the magic dragon appears! I have started taking vitamins for my thinning hair and I have learned that swooped over hair can have an appealing look! I got to laugh to keep from crying.